


Hold Thee to My Heart

by silentrevyrie



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:16:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6391732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentrevyrie/pseuds/silentrevyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Alex ever expected were to hear the words “Ms. Kingston, you’re pregnant.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know that I have several other unfinished multi-chapter fics out there right now but somehow I couldn't bring myself to start working on those again without putting this one out there. Oops?

Three months after her forty-eighth birthday, Alex Kingston took a pregnancy test for the first time in over five years. She had slipped while leaving her agent’s office and, after her ankle quickly turned an unsettling shade of purple, she’d been carted off to the ER. Alex had also, of course, said “no” when the physician asked if there was any chance she could be pregnant, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes when the resident explained that because she was still technically of childbearing age, they had to run a test before they could x-ray her ankle to make sure she hadn’t broken it.

The last thing Alex ever expected were to hear the words “Ms. Kingston, you’re pregnant.”

\----------------------------------- 

Three days Alex had spent seventeen minutes arguing with an ER resident over whether or not the hospital lab had mixed up her test with someone else’s, she sat in front of another doctor, her OB/GYN, who explained that given Alex’s fertility history and her current age, this pregnancy was, statistically, highly improbable, but that didn’t change the fact that when they held a Doppler to Alex’s abdomen, they picked up a strong heartbeat. It was fast, “like a hummingbird,” the doctor explained, which only served to confirm what the ER resident had explained earlier that week. Alex was, however unlikely it seemed, definitely pregnant. 

\-----------------------------------

Two months after Alex had spent four days in bed, trying to figure out how on earth any of this had happened, she finally gathered the courage to start telling people. She snapped a full-body selfie in the mirror, captioned it, and started texting it out to anyone she’d deemed worth telling who she hadn’t seen in person in the past few weeks, including the Doctor Who team. She’d seen them all almost immediately after she’d found out—she’d spent most of June into early July in the UK filming _Upstairs Downstairs_ —but it had still been early days.

The replies began rolling in almost immediately, ranging from disbelief, excitement, and vehement claims of being too young to be a grandmother (Karen) to hearty congratulations (Steven and Arthur) to “How lucky this kid is to have you as a mum, Kingston” (Matt).

Alex felt the relief wash over her in waves.

\----------------------------------- 

Seventeen days before her official due date, Alex sent out another mass text. It was a picture Salome had taken of her, sweaty and exhausted, holding a tiny, contented bundle of pink blankets. “Theodosia Beatrix Kingston, born 31st December 2011, 6:13am. xoxo” 

Alex had agonized over naming this baby for longer than she cared to admit—Salome’s name had come so easily and Alex had never imagined that coming up with a name for another child would take as long as it did. 

Theodosia, meaning “given by God” or “supreme gift.”

 Beatrix, meaning “she who makes happy.”

She’d stumbled across Theodosia in a baby naming book, and Beatrix had jumped out at her when her agent had gifted her a copy of _Peter Rabbit_ , written by Beatrix Potter.

Together, they were perfect. 

After that she’d turned her phone off, sure she’d get around to replying to everyone’s well-wishes later.

\-----------------------------------

Eleven months (almost twelve) after the last time Alex had let the door to her guest star flat in Cardiff swing closed behind her, she stood in front of it again. This time, her three-month-old daughter was strapped to her chest in an infant carried as she fumbled with her keys. When she finally managed to unlock the door, Alex hip-checked it open and pulled the pram that held her purse and Teddy’s diaper bag in over the threshold. The child began to fuss and Alex quickly released her from the sling in favor of cradling her in her arms.

“Come now, little one,” Alex muttered, pressing a kiss to the baby’s curls, “let’s go see where Lucy’s ended up.” Alex had tried her best to give Lucy, the nanny the BBC had provided for the duration of filming, clear directions on how to navigate the flat complex from where the car had left Alex (and all of her luggage) up to the flat, but she could only assume the girl had taken a wrong turn somewhere.

Alex shifted the baby to an upright position, and as she did the door of the flat across the hall swung open.

 “Alex!” Matt enthused as he made eye contact with her.

 “Hello, darling,” Alex replied, her eyes never leaving his.

 “And this must be…” Matt faltered as his eyes landed on the cooing infant. “…Theodosia.”

  
“Teddy for short!” Alex said brightly.

Matt didn’t respond. Instead, he continued to stare at the little girl in Alex’s arms. And Alex couldn’t blame him; in the weeks since Teddy’s birth, it had become abundantly clear that the only things the little girl had inherited from her mother were a crop of riotous curls and a warm golden complexion. Other than that, Theodosia Beatrix Kingston was the spitting image of the man who now stood not three feet from her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alex…” Matt started. 
> 
> “She’s not--” Alex began at the same time. 
> 
> “Alex,” Matt repeated, “I know what you're about to say, and I want you to be completely honest. I swear I will take you at your word.” 
> 
> Alex felt frozen. The baby squirmed in her arms and Alex swayed slightly to settle her. Matt was still staring at her, and it seemed to Alex that he was making a concerted effort not to break eye contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA remember that time I started this fic like seven months ago? 
> 
> I am a professional procrastinator. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh. And these are just characters who just so happen to the same names as actors from a popular British TV show. What are the chances?

“Alex…” Matt started.

 “She’s not--” Alex began at the same time.

 “Alex,” Matt repeated, “I know what you're about to say, and I want you to be completely honest. I swear I will take you at your word.”

Alex felt frozen. The baby squirmed in her arms and Alex swayed slightly to settle her. Matt was still staring at her, and it seemed to Alex that he was making a concerted effort not to break eye contact.

“Can we not do this in the hall?” Alex finally heard herself speak.

“Fair enough,” Matt conceded. “Yours or mine?” 

“Yours,” Alex offered. “Your flat, I mean.” Matt nodded and turned. He held the door open and Alex skirted past him, bouncing Theodosia gently to keep her calm. She settled on the couch and watched warily as Matt sat on the edge of the chair across from her.

 They sat in silence for several minutes, Teddy grabbing at Alex’s curls, Alex staring at the floor, and—she could only assume—Matt staring at Teddy.

 “So?” Matt started.

 Alex weighed her options. She’d not breathed a word of her daughter’s parentage from the second she’d found out she was pregnant. She could finally speak up with what she’d decided—she’d gone to a sperm bank to try IVF one last time and against all odds, it had worked—or she could tell Matt the truth—that despite years of being told that she’d never conceive naturally (and relaying that information to sexual partners) the stars had aligned or something when they’d slept together during filming for _The Wedding of River Song_ and against all odds, Teddy happened.

 “Never in a million years did I think she’d be born with essentially your exact face,” Alex said quietly, trying to hide the surprise on her face. That wasn’t the answer she’d intended to give when she opened her mouth.

 “Bloody hell, Alex!” Matt exclaimed, rising from the chair and beginning to pace around the living room. “And when exactly did you plan to tell me?”

“To be quite honest, I didn’t.” Alex cringed when she saw Matt tense.

“Why not?” Matt asked softly, stopping behind the chair and gripping the back. “I…I have a DAUGHTER, Alex, and I think I have the right to know about it!” 

“Most men would be demanding a paternity test right now, you know,” Alex countered as she shifted Teddy down her lap, further away from her hair, which she flipped behind her shoulder.

 “Kingston, you said it yourself, Theodosia has my face,” Matt replied, and Alex thought she could almost see the beginnings of a smile playing on his lips. “Either she’s mine or you magically found time while we were filming to locate and shag a guy with my same stupid cheekbones. And considering how busy we were last time we filmed, I don’t think that’s the case. And you know what? I had this fleeting thought when you texted to tell you were pregnant and when you were due. I did the math. For a brief second, I thought you were pregnant with my child, but then I thought no, never, can’t be, she’d tell me straight away. Oh my god.” He stopped suddenly and broke into a wide smile. 

“What?” Alex asked, pulling Teddy a little closer to her chest. 

“Kingston,” Matt chuckled, “Theodosia is a honeymoon baby.”

  
“What?” Alex repeated, not at all certain of what he was going on about.

“Theodosia is a honeymoon baby. She happened during the _wedding_ ,” Matt explained.

Alex stared at him. He was technically right, after all. God, they’d even joked about it at the time. He’d shown up at her flat with a bottle of champagne and two glasses after they’d wrapped filming for the day, explaining that it wouldn’t be a proper wedding night without it. 

She realized Matt was saying something, and she looked up to find him seated in the chair again, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Beg pardon?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The hurt in Matt’s eyes felt like a knife through Alex’s heart. “Were you so sure I’d be a rubbish dad that you thought it best not to let me know at all?”

The knife through Alex’s heart twisted. “No, darling,” she murmured quietly. “Not at all. God, I wanted to tell you, honestly I did. But if anything had happened, that wouldn’t have been fair to you.”  
  
“What do you mean, ‘if anything had happened?’ Like, if you’d decided not to go through with it?” Matt was stone-faced.

 “God, no, not at all!” Alex exclaimed, wrapping her arms even tighter around her infant daughter. “The thought never crossed my mind—I’m given this impossible chance to have another child, of course I’m going to go through with it. It’s just…” 

“Just what, Alex?” Matt asked gently. 

“I was 48 years old for the duration of this pregnancy, Matthew,” Alex sighed. “But this little girl seems to like defying the odds—not only does she exist, which is a miracle in and of itself, but she’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

“Of course she is!” Matt exclaimed, a hint of pride tinging his voice. “She’s…ours.” 

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, it is what I meant, but no, not everything. I was, by all accounts, too old to successfully carry a normal pregnancy to term,” Alex tried again. “Past the age of about 35, my risk for having a child with Down Syndrome or any other number of genetic defects essentially skyrocketed. And with odds like that, I didn’t think it fair to possibly tie you down to a child who would spend its whole life needing constant care. You’re so young, and you’ve got so much ahead of you—your career is set to take off the second you leave this show, and you know it. I’m lucky enough to be in a place that if she’d needed full-time care or anything of the sort, I could’ve easily made it happen. I didn’t want to drag you into that.”

“That’s rubbish,” Matt mumbled, the pride in his voice now replaced with thinly veiled anger. “You had no right, Alex. None. ‘Fine’ or not, it is my right to know that I’m a FATHER!" 

Alex tried not to wince as she placed a soft kiss on the top of Teddy’s head. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

“God, what kind of monster do you think I am? Did you honestly think I wouldn’t want you to have the baby? Or did you think I’d leave if something went wrong?” Matt’s voice was calm and even, but Alex recognized the tone. He was upset, and angry, and it was all her fault.

“I didn’t want you to have to make that decision,” Alex offered. “There was never a conversation about whether or not you’d ever wanted children, and then, like I said, I didn’t want to saddle you with a child, perfect or not, when your life is about to take off. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“What’s not fair to me, Alex, is that you’ve kept my child from me for the first three months of her life. Can I hold her?” He looked hopeful.

“I—of course you can,” Alex agreed. “Okay, lovie, let’s go over to Unc—to your—off you go!” She fumbled with what to call him. Teddy was too young to know or care, but Alex was still at a loss. She held the baby out towards Matt and he scooped her up immediately, without hesitation and like he’d been handing off babies for years. 

“Kingston, this is a person. A small person, but still a person,” Matt marveled. He cradled his daughter, who was babbling happily, in his arms and Alex felt a pang of regret as she realized what she’d been keeping from him. “We made this person. Look at her! Her fingers—they’re so tiny. Oh, and she’s got your eyes, my cheekbones, I think my jaw? Hard to tell when she’s so little. Whose nose is that, though?”   
  
“Laura’s,” Alex answered instantly. “She has your sister’s nose. Honestly, if it weren’t for the hair I wouldn’t be sure I was at all involved.”

Alex settled back into the couch and watched Matt holding Teddy. He looked like he’d been doing it all his life—or at least all Teddy’s life. She fit perfectly in the crook of his arm, and Alex couldn’t remember a time she’d ever seen Matt this still. Matt moved to brush a curl off of Teddy’s forehead and Alex saw his face break into an uncontrollable grin when Teddy managed to intercept his finger, clumsily grabbing at it until she had a firm enough hold to guide it to her mouth.

“I hate that you didn’t tell me,” Matt whispered.

“I’m sorry, darling. I am. And I deserve that. I deserve for you to hate me,” Alex conceded.

“No,” Matt said, louder this time, his gaze still focused on the infant in his arms. “I don’t hate you. I never said that. I hate that you didn’t tell me about this beautiful little person, my daughter. And that I couldn’t be there for you when you were pregnant, and that I didn’t get to be there when she was born—when my first child was born. But I don’t hate you. I could never.”

“Oh, Matt,” Alex breathed, and it was as if a weight, albeit a small one, lifted from her shoulders. She had no idea everything Matt was feeling right now, but she knew him well enough to know he couldn’t lie to her—he didn’t hate her. And somewhere, deep inside, a very small part of Alex began to believe that everything might be okay. 


End file.
